Posts Tagged ‘Holy Spirit’

Journal excerpt from Feb. 11th, 2008. (stuff in dark blue is added, light blue is taken directly, word for word from my journal)

Struggle #1

I’m having a really hard time concentrating. My thoughts are all over the place. I need to take every thought captive.

(This is one of the biggest struggles once you sit yourself in the presence of the Lord. The enemy does not want you to encounter the Lord or hear His voice or talk with Him. So he is going to distract you. And one of the easiest and subtle ways is through our thoughts! This is a daily thing. To set your mind on things above. Col. 3. I’m still moving into greater places in this area.)

Struggle #2

A big strugggle I have is spending time with You outside of the prayer room! And not wasting the other time I have…And I want us to spend as much time as we can in the prayer room but this struggle should challenge us to be disciplined with our time outside of the prayer room. Because one day if we aren’t in the prayer room, our biggest challenge will be to spend time in intimacy with You. We should learn the discipline now so that when its even more challenging we can press in! Let us press in. Not waste our time or spend our mundane and bored moments in legitimate pleasures but in HOLY PLEASURES! Challenge us Holy Spirit. Let us be readical and consecrated! Do this in me! I want to do it God! Spend more time with you outside the prayer room.

(Another huge struggle. So its a struggle for anyone to schedule time with the Lord outside of daily work, friends and responsibilities. Its the same with us in the prayer room. I don’t just want my whole spiritual life to be in a room. I want to encounter and know God even outside the prayer room. And not just talking to people about God and fellowshipping. I mean getting in the secret place. Sitting before the Lord, worshiping Him. Loving on Him. When you are in that place 6-7 hours a day, when you get home its easy to get caught up in other things. But oh how I want it to be in EVERY part of my life. And to the greatest degree! I want God to invade my life! I want to fellowship with the Spirit even while doing things like blogging, dishes, eating, sleeping, reading, talking!)


Prayer Request…

Confirm if this is Your will! The building on 5th street.

(Just wanted to testify how God answers prayer, and even if you have to contend for a while! This is one record I have of my prayers for our building. We now own it. We bought it in Jan. almost a year later from this prayer! The first prayer I have recorded for this building we bought, was Aug. 1st 2007. God does answer prayer, but in His timing! Thank you Jesus for hearing our prayers!)



Your banner over me is LOVE!

(This is one truth that I keep meditating on. That God loves me, and it is His motivation! He loves me! Wow!)

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Thank you Lord for (in no particular order):


#1- Susan coming to NC!!


#2- My parents supporting me in all that I do!!!


#3- Tom and Becky Burns!

#4- Coffee to drink in the mornings


#5-homemade dinners

#6- praying with friends

#7- fellowship with friends


#9- guys looking out for the girls

#10- LOVE

#11- hugs and smiles

#12- big dogs welcoming you home

#13- a working car


#14- Saints of old who wrote books that I can read


#15- The Carrs inviting me to IHOP-KC!!

#16- Jesus giving up His life so I could know and love Him!

#17- Jesus coming back to earth for His bride, so we can be with Him!

#18- people who read my blog

#19- The Holy Spirit

#20- Anointed worship leaders…such as this one and this one or this one or you know this one.

#21- anointed teachers/preachers

#22- prayer-that little measly me can talk with the Most High God!

#23- those who live a lifestyle of giving

#24- blank journals that I can fill up

#25- Forgiveness!!


God is so good we should be continually giving thanks!!!

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I’m at ZHOP right now with the interns, Sam and Jess. They are having their day of consecration. A full day before the Lord in the prayer room.

We went to their church service, called Z Church. It was amazing. Kirk Bennett is anointed! He talked about the role of Holy Spirit. We just prayed for more of the HOLY SPIRIT! That He would be a real person in our lives. He said this:

Holy Spirit is the Father and He is the Son.

How we treat Holy Spirit is how we treat the Father and the Son.

Wow. Thats crazy! So many years of my life were spent with not even acknowledging that the Holy Spirit existed!

We are to worship the Lord in SPIRIT and in TRUTH. If you aren’t worshiping the Lord in Spirit you aren’t worshiping the Lord.

Help us Holy Spirit!

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I am a disaster if Your Spirit doesn’t come!

This is a line that Gracey Guetterman sang today in the prayer room during her devotional set.

Wow its pretty amazing.

We all need God so desperately!

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  • for amazing friends
  • pictures and adventures
  • laughing
  • for lunch with friends– grilled cheese, creamy tomato soup, dill pickle spear, and chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting…mmmmhhh…
  • gas in my car
  • money for my bills
  • for Your Holy Spirit
  • prayer–that I get to talk to You!
  • cool autumn days
  • my new journals
  • my amazing bible
  • Newlyweds (John and Gracey)
  • love
  • Babies!
  • my mom and dad and sister (I love you guys!)

I’m sure there is way more….and these are not in any particular order…

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The past few days I have been going through some journals of mine. I started journaling 3 1/2 years ago and haven’t stopped since.

I journal things that the Lord is teaching me, notes from preaching and teaching, but mainly my life. Its basically one big prayer to the Lord. I write out a lot of my emotions and situations that are happening, so I can get a different perspective on it. And then I cry out to the Lord to make me more like Him.

It is crazy the journey I have been on. What is so crazy is that Jesus still loves me through it all. Oh my goodness I can’t express it enough. How amazing is our GOD! I have been selfish, moody, hurtful, unforgiving, revengeful, ridiculous, jealous, full of strife and dissension and unloving. I’ve spent many times seeking other things to satisfy me. To fill this craving inside of me to be loved. This desire in me to be special. This desire in me to be someone’s favorite. I’ve searched high and low for it. When I knew that there was only One who could fill it. All of it. And He loved me. I didn’t even have to do anything to have His love.

There He was waiting for me to return, with His arms open wide. All I have to do is say “yes” to Him. And I ravish His heart. I just have to look at Him, give Him even a little bit of my attention and His heart is captured by me.

And you know what? When I realize this love, and I stop seeking all those empty things and I turn my attention to my God, oh how my heart is ravished by HIS love! I am His favorite (so are you, that’s the mystery with God), He does desire me, I am special to Him.

I was created to know this Love, and to love Him. This is why I exist. Because out of this place of knowing His love and loving Him, I am glorifying Him with everything I possible can. He gets all the glory! Its all about Him.

We like to think our lives are our own. But if we are followers of Jesus Christ, they are not ours. So here is my life Jesus! Take all of it and leave none of it behind! Fill me with Yourself! Do what you want with me, have all of me!!!

This is my life. The life of a weak, broken, dark human, filled with the Spirit of God, allowing (or trying to allow) the Spirit to live the life of Jesus through me. Wow.

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Please help me to understand Your love for me. That You saw me before You created the world and You dreamed to be my Daddy. I so desire to be free from everything that keeps me from loving You. Everything that keeps me from loving Jesus. I want my heart to be open and free! To truly abide in Your love and not get caught up in the temporal things of this world.

I cannot wait to spend eternity with You! Wow! What a day that will be! Until then, let Your kingdom come in my life! Let Your will be done! Some days I just walk in Your love, and others, like today, I need You to remind me. Wrap me in Your arms and speak to me. I don’t want it to be all about me. I want it to be about You, and Jesus and Holy Spirit and bringing GLORY to YOUR name. So I need You. I need You to come and do what only You can do in me. You created my heart, You know it best, so bring freedom.

I want freedom. I will give up everything else. Even those things that I try to cling and hold onto with all of my strength. I let them go…and I trust You. Even though it is hard sometimes, because I like to think I know whats best. And I never do. You are so kind and good and deal with me in such a tender and gentle way!

Thank You Daddy! You are exactly what I need! Your words and who You are is like balm to my heart. Let the balm, the ointment flow down and heal any cracks that are there. I want to be whole hearted! I want the enemy to have no strongholds in my life.

I want me mind, my will and my emotions to be Yours! To be in submission to Your Spirit! Daddy, show me Your will and I will follow You. Give me Your thoughts, set my mind on the things above. And let me have Your emotions! To love what You love, to hate what You hate, to weep with You, to laugh with You, to be overflowing with Your joy and peace! You are such a good Daddy I know you delight in giving me these things! So let me be able to receive! Open my heart! Thank You! There is no other God like You!

I praise You, I give all glory to You! And I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! WIth all of my heart and with everything within me! I am Yours forever!

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Tonight I sat down and started journaling about what is going on with me, since I’ve been here:

  • I don’t sing as much prophetically as I did in NC
  • I don’t “feel” as close to Jesus–which, by the way, is totally ok, because no matter what I’m feeling, He is still who He says He is, He doesn’t change and He is still worthy to have all of me!
  • Holy Spirit seems to be moving in me more concerning intercession
  • I’m having an easier time loving people
  • I’m struggling with insecurities about how I look, being loved and valued
  • Some old issues I’ve struggled with before have come up (jealousy and not trusting God)
  • God is continuing to teach me about abiding in His love
  • He is showing me areas in my life where there is compromise
  • I am learning about 3 books of the bible I have never studied before, Haggai, Malachi and Ezekiel

There are a lot of good things, and some things that I just have to lean on the Lord for. But its ok, it reminds me of how much I want to gaze on His beauty as David declared he wanted to do and sit at His feet as Mary of Bethany did. Its all about One Thing, even in the midst of all these things. Its all about Jesus!

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I am in Atlanta! I have been here since May 7th. I enjoyed about 4 days hanging out with my friends the Campbells and then I headed into the internship on May 11th. It was a rough couple of days at the beginning, and it still is hard every once and a while, but God is really moving in my life. I know that He has me here for a reason and I am so thankful.

We had a conference this weekend called the Passionate Pursuit Conference and it was pretty awesome. The Holy Spirit was being poured out in great measure. There were many people healed and many people who started walking in freedom in some aspect of their lives.

I can’t even begin to explain all that the Lord is doing and all that He is speaking to me. I think so far the biggest thing is His love and His joy. He has been pouring out His joy here at this house of prayer and it has been amazing. I am trying to dive into the depths of His love and to really abide in it. (John 15:9)

Be praying with me as the Lord is breaking walls and stronghold’s off of my life to do with how I think about myself and caring about what others think of me. But Jesus is awesome and I submit myself to Him and darkness has to flee! Praise the Lord!

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Today was an AWESOME day in the prayer room! I am not a singer but for an entire hour I was able to sing in the prayer room on the stage and SING to HIM! It was so amazing! I just poured out my heart in song and prayer. Just being able to MINISTER to HIM was so freeing! I was so full of the Holy Spirit! I was speaking truth, and it was destroying lies! I was able to abide in His love (John 15:9).  I can’t even explain it.

Misty Edwards has a song that is so amazing and describes how I feel. It says “I will take my passion and put it in a bottle just to break it at Your feet! I will take my affections and put them in a bottle just to waste them at Your feet!” Like Mary of Bethany in Luke 10:42. She wasted everything at His feet. And He said that it was the ONE THING necessary and He would not take it away from her! Wow! He is saying WASTE YOUR LIFE ON ME! He is so worth it!

Don’t you see, Beloved, the Father said “Ask and I will surely give the nations as Your inheritance!” (Psalm 2:8) In John 17:24, Jesus ASKED! He said “Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given me, be with Me where I am, so that hey may see My glory which You have given me, for You loved Me before the foundation of the world.” He is asking for His inheritance! He wants us to be with Him where He is. I want to come into the fullness of all that Jesus asked for. I will waste my life on Him! He deserves it! His delight is in His inheritance! Oh my goodness! That we would understand His love for us! We would live our lives completely different! I know I will never be the same. I cannot live life normally. I have to give everything to this Man. My heart is stolen! He has captured it! I am His only! Forever! My heart is a locked garden! No one else can have it! There will be no other lovers, for I have come to understand that try as I may to chase other lovers, I find there is no other but Jesus Christ. I am undone, forever lost in His love. I will do whatever it takes to love Him and live out His will for my life! There is nothing else I can do, and no where else I can go. He has the words of ETERNAL LIFE. He is the only way, truth and life. This Man who willingly drank the cup of death, so that we could have life. Jesus IS the Son of God. Who else but God would do something that is such a wonderful mystery?

I could go on forever, but you would stop reading the post. I think you get the point. Jesus Christ is the most amazing person in the whole world and I give my life to Him!

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