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Posts Tagged ‘desire’

This past weekend a big group of us from Burlington headed to Durham, NC to attend the Onething conference that IHOP-KC puts on in different cities.

While I was sitting there, worshiping Jesus with hundreds of kids, teens, and young adults, I was thinking about two of the passages in scripture that “one thing” is mentioned.

Ps. 27:4- “One thing I have asked from the lord, that I shall seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple.”

Luke 10:39-42- “She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His world. But Martha was distracted with all of her preparations; and she came up to him and said, ‘Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.’ but the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

The first passage from Psalms is King David crying out for the one thing that he wants even in the midst of his enemies. The second passage, Mary chose to sit at Jesus’ feet even when it wasn’t what she was supposed to be doing. Her sister made it clear, “she needs to be helping me!” But Jesus said that she had chosen the one thing necessary, and that it wouldn’t be taken away from her.

For a long time I have considered myself a Mary (although I know that I tend to be a Martha at times, busy and distracted by so many things), because I love to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to His word. It is the calling I believe that is on my life. To first minister to the Lord, and second go to the nations.

As I was sitting at the Onething conference I was thinking how both of the other intercessory missionaries here at IHOP-AC, David Gordon and David Rickman are named David. The calling on their lives are also similar to mine! They have chosen one thing for the rest of their lives, to dwell in the house of the Lord, to gaze upon His beauty and to meditate in His temple. They were named for their destinies by their mother’s even before they were born!

I felt left out as I also wished I had been named after my destiny. And then I realized: I am! My name is Amanda MARY. My parents named me MARY and for basically ever, I hated my middle name. BUT. But I am now in love with it! I am named after the calling on my life and I was named this before I was even born!

I am a Mary, I have been called to sit at His feet, listen to His word and choose the one thing necessary!

THANKS MOM AND DAD for naming me MARY! This is soooo special to me now and is a blessing to me!!!!

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I tend to be a little dramatic, and sometimes I live the moment by my emotions. Add selfishness in there, and we have ourselves a situation where I really need Jesus.

That happened tonight. I act like His love is not enough for me. Sometimes I feel like I need it from people instead, and if I don’t get it, I feel like my life is ending. I feel panicky and claustrophobic. I know my heart needs to be freed from this, and I want to be freed but not necessarily how Jesus wants to do it. I want to be freed the way I want. So the cycle continues.

Yet, I hate the person I become when I act all stupid and selfish and ridiculous, and then I walk in condemnation. I hate acting like that. I get frustrated at myself. So this is what I figured out tonight:

  • I act like the greatest Love of all time, is not enough for me.
  • The Father delights in giving me freedom, so I need to want it and receive it.
  • Even in these weaknesses, He still loves me!
  • This sets me free to walk out of them, not continue in them.
  • Condemnation is not from the Lord, it is deception.
  • It is NOT by MY strength, it is ONLY by the LORD’S!
  • Even when I am freaking out, and the situation and the moment seem so awful and terrible, He is still who He says He is.
  • He is still Faithful, He still loves me, His plans are perfect, He is always with me.
  • He is jealous for me, and He wants to get rid of everything that hinders me from loving Him.
  • I am jealous for Him, and I want Him to get rid of everything that hinders me from loving Him.
  • I love Him more, because I am still amazed that He is so in love with me.

I love You! I love You! I love You! My heart overflows with love! You are always with me. Every time I feel my heart beat, You are there and You are thinking about me. Because You sustain my heart. You are giving me breath. Thank You! Free this feeble heart of mine to love You completely! Give me the desire to want to be free, the way You want me to be. For Your plans are perfect and wonderful, and Your ways are so much higher then my ways!

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I desire….

To be more like Jesus.

For the murdering of millions of babies to end.

For love to abound in me.

For meekness and humility to arise and pour forth.

For the Bride of Christ to be pure and spotless.

To enjoy fasting.

To be unknown.

To love myself.

To never forget and always remember what my Jesus has done for me.

For you to know the love of the Father and the Love that Jesus Christ has for you.

To pray forever and never give up.

To serve.

To bless someone and them never know who it is from.

To be a shining and burning light.

To have the oil of intimacy.

For anger and frustration to never rise in my heart.

For my soul (mind, will, and emotions) to come into submission to His Spirit.

To be in Uganda.

To live a Sermon on the Mount lifestyle.

For your life to be radically changed by Jesus Christ.

To waste my life, all for love, on Jesus.

What are some things you desire? Ask, according to His heart, and He will give it to you!

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Not only am I learning about meekness/humility, but I am learning how LOVE is the root of it ALL!

I used to think that I had it down, loving people. But it was with all the wrong motives. I loved to be loved in return, to have the approval of man etc…But now the Lord is breaking these things off of me and I am finding that I have no idea how to love people! It is one of my daily prayers…let me love others like You do, Jesus. And let me love You like the Father loves You! This is the first and second, greatest commandments. Out of Jesus’ own mouth. Matt. 22:36-40.

I am also finding that if we do not live out of love, we are living out of duty or out of legalism. What is the purpose of what we are doing then? Just to do it? Love should be the motivation of our hearts! The one whose heart is aflame with love will ENJOY and DESIRE to obey the Word.

If we truly understood the love that Jesus has for us, our lives would be COMPLETELY different. We would no longer live for the approval of man. But only the approval of God. We would no longer worry, we would trust God, that He loves us and knows what He is doing with our lives (Jer. 29:11). We would be freed from wounds in our hearts. We would live for OneThing. Our eyes would be focused only on Jesus Christ. We would give up the chase for other lovers, and truly be satisfied with the only One who can satisfy us. As David said in Psalm 27:4 “One thing I have asked fom the Lord, that I shall seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in his temple.”

Humility would also be a lot easier if we lived our lives in love. We would LOVE everyone and DESIRE to put them before ourselves. We would value what people have to say. Love covers a multitude of sins! We wouldn’t have anger, bitterness, jealousy or unforgiveness in our hearts towards others.

Man, if I could only walk like Jesus walked! Oh how this is the desire of my heart!

My prayer is Eph. 3:17, that we all would be rooted and grounded in His love! That we would understand the length, width, depth and height! To know the love that surpasses ALL understanding!

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