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Posts Tagged ‘beauty for ashes’

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mejenjenny

Me, Jen Taitt, & Jenny Potts–this is actually in 2007, I don’t have digital copies of us in 2005.

I enter my sophomore year in college with freedom I never thought possible! I was counting the months that it had been since I saw my ex boyfriend. Each day and month was a victory for me! I couldn’t wait to say I hadn’t seen him for a year!

The first semester was pretty uneventful. There were no boys in my life, which was great. I was great friends with Jen Taitt and Jenny Potts. I was focusing on my schooling and Jesus.

In Jan. of 2005 Jen, Jenny and I met a guy who we all became really close friends with. We all hung out, worshipped together, studied together, ate together and just did everything together. It was a really fun semester full of friends and living life.

I also met a family that semester who I was able to minister to in amazing ways! They had 4 children and Jenny and I basically were able to pour into their lives for about 4 months. We spent the night, we cleaned, we cooked them dinner and we took them to church. And we really started to appreciate our parents, alot! Taking care of kids is a HANDFUL! But we totally enjoyed it.

I really liked this guy that we were hanging out with. But this was the first time in my life I really wanted to let God have His way. I wasn’t going to manipulate things, I wasn’t going to try and see if he liked me. I was just praying and letting God have his way. So my heart was really free. My heart was in a great place. I wanted more then anything to please God with my relationships since I hadn’t done that ever before.

So we hung out for about 8 months, and it was a great 8 months. God did so much in my life and taught me sooo much. At the end of everything, the Lord clearly spoke and showed me that this was not the man I was supposed to marry. Which was fine by me because I was able to keep my heart pretty free!

During this time I was seeking the Lord, but wasn’t totally sold out. I just didn’t know what I was supposed to do to completely live for the Lord. Things in my head weren’t compeltely connecting to my heart. But I knew there was more to this thing we called Christianity. And the Lord was about to completely turn my life, and my heart upside down!  These were just the events (very important) events that led up to it!

More to come in a part 4!

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Read part 1 here first.

I’m really, really homesick the first semester of college. I miss my family, and mostly I miss the (kinda) boyfriend. I was so messed up emotionally with this guy. He was totally the wrong guy for me, as anyone and everyone who knew him would and did testify. If my car wouldn’t have broken down, I would have for sure left college and went back home. But God had such a strategic plan for me! He knew what He was doing!

My heart was crazy involved. I thought I loved the guy. So I’m away at college wanting to live for Jesus, but my heart was given to someone else. And this began the journey of the Lord calling me to give my heart to Him.

The first semester the Lord is clearly showing me that I am not in love with this guy. I just love the attention and affection. But it will never satisfy me. It wasn’t what I really wanted. I wanted something so much more pure and beautiful. Not some messed up love based off of the physical. I was looking for it in all the wrong places and people. The Lord showed me that the love I was looking for would only be found in Jesus!

This was an amazing revelation. But to actually live it out when I went back home for Christmas break and spring break and summer break was a completely different story. So I struggled. Big time. When I was with this guy my heart told me something different then what the Lord told me. But I was tired of struggling. I had been with this guy for 2 and a half years and for about 2 of the years I knew I had to get out. And it took me a while.

Finally July 21st, 2004, the summer before my sophomore year in college it was over. I knew in my heart that I couldn’t live a compromising life any more. I had a decision to make. Would I choose the things of the world that made me happy and then miserable or would I chose the Lord, the only true source of everlasting joy?

I had to chose Jesus! His lovinkindness lead me to repentance. True repentance. Where I didn’t just say sorry and keep living it, but where I was deeply grieved over the way I was living, and didn’t do it anymore.

It was almost unreal. That I was actually not living that lifestyle anymore. I struggled for so long I never thought I would get out. But God is so faithful! He delivered me! He didn’t turn His back on me even though I did it sooooo many times to Him! I was finally walking in the freedom that I knew I was suppposed to!! I was finally letting God have His way with me. And I continued on a journey that I never thought possible…

(look for more to my story in a part 3!)

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I am going to write a series of posts that testify of our amazing God and how He has worked in my life. Here is my story:

My best friend and meMy best friend and I, Fall 2002/Spring 2003
17 or 18 years old

I’m 18, looking forward to the next four years of higher education. Looking forward to a new season of life with God. I’m peering into the future of life at Liberty University, a Christian college, and hoping and praying for the old things to pass away.

I know this is what God has spoken, to go to school 900 miles away from home. To leave behind my parents and family. To leave behind the (kinda) ex-boyfriend, to leave behind the compromising Christianity that I had been giving myself to. And I wanted to. Oh how badly I wanted to leave the boyfriend and the compromise behind. I was tired and weary of living life my own way. I was tried of never being satisfied and living in a way I knew was wrong.

I excitedly packed  my car and my dad’s car full of all my things. I have this excitement pumping my heart and this expectation of the new things to come. I drove my car the 5 miles from my house to my mom’s work. I run in and kiss her goodbye and head out the door seeing the goal within reach. Only 18 more hours! I could do this! It was happening! I skip back to the car and start the engine. And nothing. My car won’t start. Oh but let me tell you, something as little as that won’t stop me from getting there. No sir. I unpack mine and my dad’s cars, pack the essentials all in my dad’s car, leave some things behind and we continue on our way.

The trip took a while. But we finally pulled up to my dorm. We unpacked all my things. I kissed my wonderful daddy goodbye. And then after he drove away I curled up in my unmade bed, in the new building, with the new people, and cried. And so begins my journey from compromising Christianity to a  radical lifestyle of love.

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