Archive for May, 2008

Adrienne and Audria are the other two intern girls that are with me in the Watch. They are also my roommates! I love them!

Wesley is also an intern. And one of my favorite kids ever! He is so funny and so amazing!

Andrew and Nathanael are full-time nightwatch staff! Andrew is our drummer, and Nathanael is an amazing singer and songwriter and he does techno tuesdays (some tuesdays)! It is so much fun!

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On Wednesday night I had the most amazing experience in the prayer room! Something just broke within me and I was able to dance and dance and dance before the Lord! It was amazing! It was during our 4am to 6am intercession set. A bunch of us started dancing and then everyone ended up dancing and we danced for almost the whole 2 hours! It was so awesome just to be free and just enjoy Jesus and dance before Him in joy!

When the morning people came in at 6 am we were still singing and dancing. They were looking at us like we were crazy, and then some of them started dancing too. It was so much fun!

My roommate Audria asked me if I was ok, and I looked at her kinda weird and said “this is me being normal”. So then I realized that the past 2 weeks I really haven’t been acting myself. One guy said he thought I was the kind of girl who was really intense and never wanted to talk to anyone. Then we hung out on Wednesday (before the dancing) and he said he realizes now that I’m not like that. But that started making me think. Why have I not been acting myself? I guess it just took some time to really adjust to being here, and to enjoying being here.

I’ve been so full of joy and excitement, its been amazing! And I am so enjoying my new friends! Its awesome to be able to experience God in such a real way with a group of people who are desiring the same thing. Which I’ve been part of a group like this for about 3 years now. My friends in Lynchburg and my friends in Burlington. I am so thankful and grateful to the Lord for allowing me to be part of such awesome communities!

Thank You Jesus for enjoying me and for allowing me the freedom to dance before You!

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So many of us are living with an orphan mentality. Because we don’t understand God as our Father. If we did we would understand that we have an INHERITANCE! We have been adopted into the greatest family ever! And we have been given access to EVERYTHING! Eph. 1 talks a lot about this.

The Orphan Mentality is portrayed through thinking such as:

  • I am not loved– yet we are loved by the greatest Man that has ever lived.
  • I am not beautiful–yet Jesus says that we are the “lily among the thorns”!
  • I am poor– yet we have an inheritance, and we have a good Father who likes to PROVIDE
  • Not trusting God– we have to trust that God is who He says He is, and that He will do what He said He would do
  • Having unbelief in our hearts– just as so many of our earthly fathers have let us down, we believe this is the case with our Heavenly Father, but its not

This is just a few, but so many of us do not know our identity as sons and daughters of God, and therefore we do not live in all the fullness that God has for us. Such as understanding that we are loved and beautiful! That we are the richest people that live! That God is the only one we can truly trust! Believing that He is unchanging and faithful!

God I pray that You would break off the orphan mentality in Your Bride! That You would break of the orphan mentality in me! Let us see You, Father, as You truly are! Shift our thinking and our paradigms! Let us trust and have faith in You! Let us find our identity, not in the things of this world, but in the Eternal Father! The One Thing that will not fade away! In Jesus Name!

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Tonight I sat down and started journaling about what is going on with me, since I’ve been here:

  • I don’t sing as much prophetically as I did in NC
  • I don’t “feel” as close to Jesus–which, by the way, is totally ok, because no matter what I’m feeling, He is still who He says He is, He doesn’t change and He is still worthy to have all of me!
  • Holy Spirit seems to be moving in me more concerning intercession
  • I’m having an easier time loving people
  • I’m struggling with insecurities about how I look, being loved and valued
  • Some old issues I’ve struggled with before have come up (jealousy and not trusting God)
  • God is continuing to teach me about abiding in His love
  • He is showing me areas in my life where there is compromise
  • I am learning about 3 books of the bible I have never studied before, Haggai, Malachi and Ezekiel

There are a lot of good things, and some things that I just have to lean on the Lord for. But its ok, it reminds me of how much I want to gaze on His beauty as David declared he wanted to do and sit at His feet as Mary of Bethany did. Its all about One Thing, even in the midst of all these things. Its all about Jesus!

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Some of my friends here at IHOP-ATL from the night watch, spent some time praying for my dad! It was so awesome and encouraging to have a group of people intercede for someone you loves so much and want to see healed.

I called him today to see how he was feeling and he said he was feeling better then he had in a few days. AND that the tumor on his kidneys and liver aren’t anything to be worried about. AND that the tumor in his stomach is a tumor full of blood, which basically means that there is little chance it is cancerous. He will probably have to have surgery, but he still hasn’t found out about that yet. BUT THIS IS GREAT NEWS that is probably ISN’T CANCEROUS! YAY JESUS!

He is also having cataract surgery on his eyes on May 28th and June 5th. So please keep those surgeries in your prayers! Thank you all so much! Our God is so faithful!

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So I already thought that I posted this, but I realized I wrote the whole thing last night and that it didn’t get saved. So here I am writing it again, because it was kinda cool.

I sat down last night and planned out every hour that I was going to be in the prayer room. For the first hour I wanted to meditate on the Lord and minister to the Lord. The next thing I knew the hour was over and I think I might have gotten out “Let this barren prayer count for something….and I love you.” I was so distracted and unfocused. I would start to meditate on a passage and I would find myself reading a completely different passage. Then I would really try to focus and I would pray Lord let me be focused, I just want to minister to You, and the next thing I know I was wondering if there was anything in my teeth, I was biting my nails etc… It was insane!

But I was trying so hard to focus, and minister to the Lord, and even though I was failing so miserably, it counted to the Lord! Jesus is so awesome! It matters to Him that my heart was saying “yes”!

Another thing that one of my teachers said earlier this week is that our entire lives our minds have been able to roam and go off on rabbit trails our entire lives. We’ve never trained it to do anything different. But here we are now, trying to train it to focus on the Lord for at least 6 hours and its almost impossible. But the more that we keep refocusing our minds, the easier it will become. Praise the Lord! I am looking forward to this day! 🙂

Praise the Lord! Thank you Jesus that You are so amazing! And that when I am unfocused and distracted You still love me! Man You are so great! Thank You! Thank You!

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Prayer for my dad

I would just ask for everyone to be praying for my dad. The doctors found 3 tumors in his stomach. One on his liver, one on his kidney and one just in his stomach. He had an ultrasound yesterday (Mon) and he will be getting the test results back. Lets believe that God can heal him, and have faith as we pray! Praise the Lord!

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Yesterday I had a class on meditation. We believe that as we meditate on the Word of God that it will become real and alive in our hearts and we will encounter the God of the bible! So as we learned some practical tips like reading the verse, writing the verse, saying the verse, singing the verse and praying the verse, we decided to go into the prayer room and actually do it. So we all meditated on the verse John 15:9.

John 15:9 has actually had a huge impact on my life. My first trip to Romania, which was in March of 2006, the Lord used this verse. I had been praying about getting a tattoo that would represent this missions trip, and I would be able to add on to it. Well, God shattered some of my ways of thinking to do with love. It was awesome!

John 15:9 says “Just as the Father has loved Me, so I have loved you; abide in My love.

I had never heard or read this verse before this trip to Romania. My friend Nathan was sharing some things the Lord was speaking to him and this was one of them. That we need to learn to abide in the Lord’s love. Oh my goodness. What does it mean to abide in the Lord’s love? Well, God was teaching me how much He loves me and how amazing this love is and that I don’t abide in it but seek for this kind of love in people. After this trip I decided to get a tattoo of the Romanian word for the word abide. And for every missions trip that I go on I am going to add a heart around this word. So eventually it will be the hearts surrounding the word abide, and it will be abiding in His love. A reminder that I need every day!

So here we are meditating on this verse. It says as the FATHER loves JESUS, this is how much JESUS loves US! Can you believe that? How crazy is that!? Satan likes to come in and have us believe something different, but this is what the WORD OF GOD says! Imagine how much the FATHER loves His SON? Its mind blowing. We can’t imagine something like that. And thats how much Jesus loves us! Wow, if we even understood a little bit of this love, our lives would be completely changed.

As I was meditating, the Lord was also reminding me of the verse in 1 John 4 that says perfect love cast out fear. This is the love that we are to abide in. The perfect love of Jesus Christ. And all fear, worry, anxiety should flee! It should be gone! AMEN! I want all fear and worry and anxiety to be gone in my life!

What does it mean to abide? It means to remain in something forever. Continually, never leaving a place. And this is how it is supposed to be with the love of God in our lives. How many times do we question if God loves us? Or we think He is mad at us because we sinned. But this verse says that He loves us like the Father loves Him, and we are to remain in this love forever! No matter what! This speaks volumes about our God. Because He is saying, even in your weakest moments, I still love you so much, abide in this love. He is saying I want you to abide in my love, and I know what mistakes you are going to make. But I still love you, abide in My love.

So here I am sitting in the prayer room every day, trying to abide in His love, and things are coming at me from every where. I am worrying about man’s love for me. I am worrying about not being loved. I am worrying about being rejected. I am frustrated that I am not abiding in His love. But at the end of it all, I am still going to give myself to resting and abiding in His love. Its by His grace that I can even do it.

Thank you JESUS! You are so beautiful and amazing! I love to be loved by You! You are the perfect love my heart has desired my entire life! You know exactly how to love me! You satisfy me! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!

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I am in Atlanta! I have been here since May 7th. I enjoyed about 4 days hanging out with my friends the Campbells and then I headed into the internship on May 11th. It was a rough couple of days at the beginning, and it still is hard every once and a while, but God is really moving in my life. I know that He has me here for a reason and I am so thankful.

We had a conference this weekend called the Passionate Pursuit Conference and it was pretty awesome. The Holy Spirit was being poured out in great measure. There were many people healed and many people who started walking in freedom in some aspect of their lives.

I can’t even begin to explain all that the Lord is doing and all that He is speaking to me. I think so far the biggest thing is His love and His joy. He has been pouring out His joy here at this house of prayer and it has been amazing. I am trying to dive into the depths of His love and to really abide in it. (John 15:9)

Be praying with me as the Lord is breaking walls and stronghold’s off of my life to do with how I think about myself and caring about what others think of me. But Jesus is awesome and I submit myself to Him and darkness has to flee! Praise the Lord!

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I haven’t been on in a while! Staying pretty busy and I’m about to head off to Atlanta for The Watch Internship! Yay! I will be posting much more often as I am doing the internship, to keep everyone updated on what the Lord is doing in my life! 🙂 You’ll be hearing more!

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