**I first posted this on May 1, 2009. It is really speaking to me today so I thought I would repost this!
Some days I don’t feel the Lord at all. I can’t live this life based off of my feelings. Most times I’m not having the encounter of a lifetime. Its me sitting in the room trying to commune wit the Holy God. Trying to not think about food, clothes, my hair, money, life in general. Continually bringing my focus on the One who I am here for.
Some days I hear the Lord speaking to me like a whisper in my heart, sometimes through His word. Most days I am meditating on what He has already spoken.
Some days I don’t feel like I can keep praying, singing, worshiping. I feel like I’m not doing enought.
If I was here because of my feelings, I wouldn’t be here. I would be doing something that I could see results from, I would be out doing what looks good to people.
But I’m not here to see results with my eyes. I’m not here for an emotional encounter. I’m here because I love Jesus! I’m here because this is where He wants me and I delight in nothing more then doing what He wants me to do! I’m here to be near to the One whom my soul loves. To hear what is on His heart and to partner with it in prayer. Even if I can’t see the change. Even if people tell me I’m wasting my time.
To tell you the truth, sometimes it feels like I am! But what keeps me here in this place of prayer and worship is love.
Even when I don’t feel anything, I rest in the confidence that I know who my God is. He is love. He loves me. This is truth. NOT what I’m feeling at the moment.
I am confident that partnering with His heart in prayer is the ONLY thing that changes things and brings about the action of change. Even when I don’t see it.
I am confident that I am not wasting my life. Because I know without a shadow of a doubt He’s worthy of ALL my time. He deserves me giving up EVERYTHING!
And I’m here praying for the world because He is worthy of every single person giving up EVERYTHING for Him.
Yeah, its love that keeps me here. There is this burning inside of me called love that has taken root and won’t let me go.
I’m not talking about feeling love. Love is here inside of me no matter how I’m feeling. It warms my heart when it starts to get cold.
When I’m sad or discouraged this love doesn’t leave. It makes me cling to my God!
And even though I am so weak, this love is growing inside of me every day!
This is why I live, breathe, eat, sleep, pray, talk, laugh…because this love I have for my God keeps me going!
Why do I love Him? Because He loves me perfectly. His love never fails me. His love covers my sins. His love is passionate and jealous. No one has ever loved me like this nor will they ever. He has given up everything for me. He has given me everything I’ve ever had. And all those times I’ve been unfaithful, He’s been faithful!
Do you see? How can I not love Him? I have to! He is worthy of so much more but I give Him my all, no matter how small it might be! I give Him my love. And this is why I live and do what I do.