I picked this song “Rescue” by Desperation Band.

I was mostly influenced to pick this song because of some events that happened tonight. Not directly to me, but that indirectly affects me. I always listen to this song when I am going through something sad.

Not the same rough stuff that I’ve been blogging about. But some OLD rough stuff.

Something that the Lord is bringing closure to.

And when He is doing something like that, killing something inside of me that doesn’t need to be there, that’s when I cry out:

I need You, Jesus, to come to my rescue!

And you know what? EVERY time I pray that, He comes to my rescue. He is pretty amazing like that. You can always count on Him. He wants to come to my rescue.

If you ask Him to do that for you, He will do it! I know we all need rescuing!

The past few days have been days that I ask the Lord for, yet dread to encounter.

Oh the misery of exposure!

My soul is so very depraved! I am not who I think I am.

I want to be a girl who can take correction. I want to be a girl that has no offense in her heart. I want to be a girl who does not love the approval of man. I want to be a girl that people think is in a good mood. I want to be a girl who loves people. I want to be a girl who is humble. I want to be a girl who acts like Jesus. I want to be a girl who walks according to the Spirit and portrays the fruits of the Spirit.

Instead…

I am a girl who hardens her heart when corrected. And I assume whoever is correcting me is really coming against me and hates me. I am a girl who gets offended at everything everyone says to me. I am a girl who loves to be approved of by man. I am a girl who everyone constantly thinks is in a bad mood. I am a girl who gets frustrated with people easily. I am a girl with a heart full of pride. I am a girl who acts the opposite of Jesus, more like Amanda. I am a girl who walks according to the flesh, and portrays the fruit of the flesh.

Forever You are lovely,

Forever I am dark,

Forever You will see,

Jesus’ blood covering me.

I am dark yet lovely.

Anything good in me is Jesus. And I need Him so badly. I totally deserve Hell, yet because of His death, I will live with Him forever!

My heart is being exposed! I am laying open before my HOLY GOD! It hurts so much, and I want to reject it and cover it up. But I can’t! This is what I pray for. I pray for Him to crucify me, to kill me and to live through me.

And He is faithful to do it. Oh is He faithful.

I am in love with Love itself. From this place I will not go.

Check out THIS post by Wesley!

It is about SELF-DENIAL and DYING TO SELF.

Some amazing revelation that the Lord has been giving him on this subject! Check it out!

Words describing my life right now…

Simply about One Thing.

On the edge of life-changing.

Dramatically passionate.

Dying in order to live.

Overwhelming with Love.

Adventurously fun.

Longing and aching for more.

Purposed and determined.

Unwavering faith and trust.

Living day by day.

Standing in wonder and awe.

Interceding night and day.

Practicing the Presence.

My life is more than I could have ever dreamed.

I am living my dreams.

All praise and glory to Him!

Sorry its been awhile, but here I am updating now.

Death…

So Friday was a day of battle. I was walking in my flesh. It was horrible. This summer the Lord was really bringing me to a place where I know I have to die to myself and He has to live, and I was really excited about Him doing that. Well, He’s doing it now. And my flesh is crying out to live! It’s a war! He was trying to kill me Friday, and I was resisting Him with everything I had. But the Lord is so good! He keeps doing it today, and sometimes I’m like, when is this going to be over? I just want to die already! But then I realize its not just going to happen over night, and He is the one going to finish it not me. I AM CRUCIFIED WITH CHRIST! IT IS NO LONGER I THAT LIVES, BUT CHRIST IN ME! Woohoo! I cling to this promise!

Shevi and Lisa…

After our Encountering God Service (EGS) on Friday night, I drove about an hour away to my old youth pastor’s house (from high school). I love them so much and they have been such a huge and influential part of my life and with my journey with the Lord! I praise the Lord for them and how amazing they are! It’s incredible to see where I was when they met me, and where the Lord has brought me! He sure has saved me! Wow! Its amazing! Well I had an amazing weekend of catching up, praying with them, playing with their sweet boys and doing a little shopping! The Lord is so good to me! I love this family!

LoVe…

I think the Lord always brings me back to this…its all about LOVE! Its all about loving Him, understanding His love, and loving others. Which are the 2 greatest commandments. I’m really struggling, in all this death to myself, to love others. I am getting frustrated and upset and impatient. Its really awful. I don’t want to be like this. I want to love them, I want to value them. There is so much of Amanda in me still and not enough Jesus! One of the verses I’ve been meditating on is John 3:30 which says, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” I want more of Him in me! Actually I want it to be all Jesus living through me! Oh man, is this the hardest thing ever. My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. Oh so weak.

So pray for me please….

I am sure in need right now. Thanks so much everyone! You all are amazing…

I can’t think of any other updates…except that I love my MOM AND DAD AND SISTER!!!!!!!!! They are amazing and I miss them so much! Lord, love on my family! Have a wonderful night or day…which ever it is when you read this.

One of the main things that the Lord has been speaking to me about since I have been here in Atlanta, is the denial of myself. To have a pure love for the Lord and for Amanda to be dead, and Jesus to live in and through me. 100%. Well my friend Wesley Huth, who is also an intern for The Watch, has some awesome revelation about this topic. He wrote about sanctification and pure love on his blog. I recommend everyone to read it!

Check it out here!!!

I am finding out (because I guess I thought I was pretty mature) that I am immature. Especially when it comes to having conversations with other believers on what they believe and why they believe it. Not on the foundational subjects such as is Jesus the Son of God or was He raised 3 days later. These are very clearly laid out in scripture.

But we have been having discussions about things that I have never been taught, or if I have been taught it, it wasn’t the biblical teaching and I’ve just thought it for years without actually studying it for myself. So I am being challenged with listening to others, and valuing what they have to say. And the biggest thing I am learning is that no matter what, you cannot believe something just because someone says it. You have to search it out in the Bible, the Word of God, and ask the Spirit of God to reveal to you what He is saying.

I haven’t done this in depth in the past. I believe something because someone made it sound good, or maybe it is what God is saying about a topic but I don’t know why God is saying it or where He says it in scripture. So now my desire is to take all these questions I have and search it out! I want to know what the bible says, and I want to know what is on the heart of the Father!

And in these conversations I’ve been having, I want to prove why I am right, and I can’t really. I get frustrated at others because they believe something different, but I have no reason to! I need to value others and what they are saying!

These discussions that I am talking about are discussions concerning the things of God. And these discussions are with others who are searching out what the bible says about things and they want to know the heart of the Father also. They are not with people who are not Christians or people of other religions or anything like that.

This has been a great learning experience. God is exposing things in my heart not like Him! He wants me to DIE TO MYSELF so that He can LIVE IN ME AND THROUGH ME! Praise the Lord! Continue to do it God!

Every Friday night some of my friends who live here in Atlanta, but aren’t part of IHOP-ATL, have a night of worship. Its so sweet and amazing! Me and some of my friends from IHOP have been going and we love it! Its so nice to get together with a group of people who love Jesus and want to give up their Friday nights for Him! Jesus is so worthy of our time and our worship! I love my friends and their dedication to the Lord.

Tonight the Lord was, again, revealing to me how much of Amanda still is in me and how much of Him isn’t. I want to decrease and Him to increase! John 3:30. Oh how moody and bratty I can be! But He is amazing! He is changing me! Praise the Lord! You are so good GOD! I LOVE YOU!

About 3 years ago, during a psychology class, my teacher handed out this poem. At this time in my life, I was just beginning to even understand what dying to myself was. I was also reading a book by David Nassar “A Call to Die”. It was awesome, and then I received this poem and it blew me away! Tonight I was reading a few chapters in a book by Fenelon called “Christian Perfection” on dying to ourselves. It was awesome. And it reminded me of this poem and I wanted to share it with everyone. Its amazing. Help us Jesus to become more like You and less like ourselves!

You can check out some of Fenelon’s writings by clicking here or under articles on the right sidebar.

DYING TO SELF

When you are forgotten, or neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you don’t sting and hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer for Christ.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself, but take in all in patient, loving silence.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any impunctuality, or any annoyance; when you stand face-to- face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility-and endure it as Jesus endured.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you are content with any food, any offering, any climate, any society, any raiment, any interruption by the will of God.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or itch after commendations, when you can truly love to be unknown.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy, nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

Are you dead yet? In these last days, the Spirit would bring us to the cross.

“That I may know Him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death.” Phil.3:10